Let's face it, there'd be no fun.
Last night, Mets versus Cards. Metsies are chipping away at Kyle Lohse. Ronnie Paulino is at the dish when he sends a slow, but perfectly placed, grounder between the 2nd baseman and Pujols.
Base hit, a run scores.
"Paulino could not have hit it any slower," remarks Gary Cohen.
You can almost hear the wheels turning in booth partner Keith Hernandez's brain, as he weighs the P-and-L on what he's about to say and, as he always does, shoots down the little voice telling him that perhaps he should not say it.
"In baseball parlance, back in my day, we called that a seeing-eye dog," says Keith.
Then he adds, perhaps unnecessarily, "I don't mean to offend anybody."
You can see what Keith is thinking: a metaphor that tangentially involves handicapped people. You can tell he'd been chastened, at least in theory, by network brass for past off-color statements. (How can we forget "I won't say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout"?)
But really--would anyone be offended by comparing a baseball hit to a service dog?
And even if they were, would that ever stop Keith Hernandez from saying what he wants to say?
As always, Cohen is there with his metaphorical dustpan and broom to clean up after Keith.
"It's a 17-hopper," he said.
I've heard such cheapo hits referred to as variations of both Hernandez's and Cohen's terms: seeing-eye singles and 38-hoppers.
A more common baseball usage for "seeing-eye dog," on the other hand, is typically directed at a struggling umpire. BaseballTips.com offers a big ol' batch of umpire hecklings, including:
"I forgot the Milk-Bone for your seeing-eye dog!"
Snap!
[image: cafepress]
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